Well, I had a moment tonight with Ava Grace. I usually let her stay up a little later than usual on Friday nights with hopes that she will sleep a little later on Saturday morning. We played and had so much fun tonight. Before she went to sleep we read about 10 different books. Seriously! We read that many! I would read the book and then she would turn the pages and act like she was reading it. She is so funny! Then as I was getting ready to get up from her rocking chair and put her in the bed she grabbed her Famous Blankee and started cuddling to go to sleep. Ava Grace is usually a really good snuggle bunny - but at night we try to do the whole nighttime routine and put her in the bed and let her go to sleep on her own. We found out that if we rock her to sleep every night that she starts to wake up in the middle of the night and cry - I think it upsets her because she went to sleep with us holding her and then she wakes up and we are gone. Anyhow... tonight I decided that I was just going to rock her for a "little bit!" And she fell asleep in my arms...
While I was sitting there looking at her sweet little angelic face I just started crying out of nowhere. It is just amazing to me that God gave her to me. That He trusts me as a mother to one of His children. I can not imagine my life without her. I know I am not a perfect mother and I am sure I don't always make the right decisions but it is so comforting to know that God is by my side in the decisions that I do make to pick me up and put me back on track when I fall short of His wishes. I just sat there and prayed to God to please just take control of me and my life. To help me make the right decisions with Ava Grace and with my life. To take any negative thoughts that I have and wipe them from my mind. I want to see the positive in everything and everyone and live my life for Him. I want to thank Him a million times for giving me the gift of being a mother. After I finished praying to God something amazing happened to me. The burdens I had on my heart really were lifted. I could BREATHE - seriously after I finished I took a deep breath in and everything felt clear in my heart, mind, and soul. I didn't feel so bogged down. I felt light.
I know this is a long post. But as soon as I put my little baby in the bed I knew that I needed to share this feeling with you. Everything that we are able to do, the friends and family that we have, the things that we have, the places that we get to go... it is all a gift from God. I know He has given me these gifts for a reason.
I cried some powerful happy tears tonight. Thank you GOD!!